All I Wanted Was You
by TheMusicLives
Summary: She'd been broken by his words. 'We have a choice.' When did they choose this?   Blair character study, angsty CB, immediately post "Easy J."


**A/N**: This is the first piece that I've been able to write for Gossip Girl in quite some time, the show having twisted characters I loved so far from how I'd interpreted them that I lost their voices. There was something about the final Chuck & Blair scene from "Easy J" that allowed me to hear Blair's voice again. Un-beta'd and not read after writing. I was afraid that over-analyzing it would break the tone.

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~o~

_All I Wanted Was You  
_

~o~

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Tears started to stream down her face as soon as the door was closed behind her, but Blair held the sobs in until Chuck's footsteps followed him down the hall to the staircase, where he wouldn't hear them.

He couldn't be allowed to.

Standing in her doorway, she'd been broken by his words. _We have a choice._ When did they choose this? Why did he choose pain all over again, over everything she'd wanted for them?

She'd asked him to guard her drink. She'd given him her virginity. She'd given him her heart. By building her life around him, she'd fallen incredibly hard when she'd been forced to push him away.

The things he'd done to her were unimaginable. Unthinkable, desperate things that she'd never do to him. Things she'd been willing to overlook.

But then he'd done the unforgivable.

She was his step-sister. She was a virgin. She was Blair's nemesis. And it made what they'd shared feel cheap and dirty, knowing that he'd taken from Jenny what Blair herself had freely given him.

Like nothing they'd ever had was special and she'd built her life on a lie.

It was irrational, this disdain she now felt for the girl who had stolen her everything. Even though it wasn't the same step that Chuck and Blair had taken together, it was similar. In the end, Jenny regretted it and that made all the difference in the world.

Except when it didn't. Because Jenny had always been on the fast track to being the girl who stole everything from her when Serena was taking the day off from her usual thievery.

Which made it even more painful. And cut her deeper than any other wound he'd inflicted.

Even the moment when he'd been willing to trade her to a man he hated for a pile of bricks, she'd understood the driving force behind it. The way he was trying to prove his father wrong as she'd always been compelled to do with her own mother was something she could identify with.

But to buy her a ring and then give up on her when she'd _never_ given up on him, when she was sure he'd known it from the start, was blasphemy to the love they'd shared. It was his own insecurities that led him to believe she was so fickle, when she'd thought he'd read everything in her eyes that her lips were trying to contradict.

She'd been so consumed by him that she didn't realize he didn't share her same thoughts; he didn't believe they were the same person, no matter how many times he'd told her they were.

It was heartbreaking to see him so changed by _Eva_, not because he had truly transformed, but because he was unrecognizable in his guise. He was playing the part of philanthropist and completely missed the part where he was only fooling himself. And then he'd blamed Blair when he lost his _chance_ at becoming someone else.

Yes, she had rushed along what fate would have inevitably torn to shreds, but he shouldn't have made it all her fault. It was his for pretending to be something other than he was; he was a scoundrel, a snake, a conniving, cunning modern day mini-Machiavelli.

But he had been hers, so none of that mattered. All she wanted was _them_ back to the way they were before the mess. The way they were never going to be.

No matter what the future held, whether this truce lasted or crumbled under the weight of their stares, it would always be tinged with this moment. The one where taking a step away from the wall would mean her knees giving out on the way to the bed. The one where it was less humiliating to sink down against the door frame and cry into the hem of her dress.

The one where she fell apart at the hopelessness welling up inside her, trying to fill the part of her that was missing as soon as he walked away.

The moment where all she still wanted was him.

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**A/N: **Not a long piece, but hopefully a start at getting back into this. Please let me know what you thought.


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